I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're a waste of cheezeits
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
