i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
