Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
