I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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