But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
