Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
