I cannot find my penis.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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