Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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