I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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