and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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