plz talk dirty to me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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