I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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