So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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