I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
