it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
