who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
