as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
