two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
