the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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