if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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