Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
