You can't motorboat a personality
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
