Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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