Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
