happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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