A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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