Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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