so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too