I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
