drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
