Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (205) Good night (88638) Bad night (7892)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Nah, we all need something.

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  (603): Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her? (1-603): Nah, we all need something. http://tfl.nu/s7fq
  Replies (24) Good night (3120) Bad night (831)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

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  (203): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius http://tfl.nu/w3wu
  Replies (32) Good night (12935) Bad night (971)
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  (909): View more from California

  dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.

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  (909): dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting. http://tfl.nu/kj58
  Replies (11) Good night (730) Bad night (3582)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".

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  (480): Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis". http://tfl.nu/fly1
  Replies (39) Good night (8049) Bad night (1207)
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  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

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  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (9338) Bad night (1356)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life

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  (850): He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life http://tfl.nu/ihqi
  Replies (15) Good night (783) Bad night (2877)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?

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  (214): How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink? http://tfl.nu/kd28
  Replies (11) Good night (2795) Bad night (703)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.

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  (914): I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP. http://tfl.nu/wc3n
  Replies (12) Good night (2202) Bad night (887)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break

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  (704): Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break http://tfl.nu/3onf
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (744)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.

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  (425): she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers. http://tfl.nu/95mp
  Replies (4) Good night (1220) Bad night (397)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live

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  (402): You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live http://tfl.nu/nu1y
  Replies (1) Good night (416) Bad night (606)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I can't wait to tell mom.

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  (920): He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me? (262): I can't wait to tell mom. http://tfl.nu/c20r
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (681)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The stripper told Tom to sort his life out

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  (+44): The stripper told Tom to sort his life out http://tfl.nu/cnud
  Replies (9) Good night (704) Bad night (407)
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  (530): View more from California

  Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas

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  (530): Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas http://tfl.nu/50vp
  Replies (0) Good night (467) Bad night (179)

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