I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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