Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion