Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

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  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
  Replies (5) Good night (2362) Bad night (691)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.

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  (407): Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date. http://tfl.nu/dv8x
  Replies (26) Good night (641) Bad night (4407)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  dont u have athletes foot?

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  (214): so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings (1-214): dont u have athletes foot? http://tfl.nu/a028
  Replies (27) Good night (1246) Bad night (5708)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers

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  (860): but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers http://tfl.nu/f9xh
  Replies (32) Good night (3049) Bad night (1318)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.

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  (401): she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits. http://tfl.nu/xfwk
  Replies (33) Good night (1216) Bad night (6076)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

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  (574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree http://tfl.nu/l7gp
  Replies (46) Good night (5995) Bad night (1898)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

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  (781): the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away.......... http://tfl.nu/eso1
  Replies (32) Good night (854) Bad night (8442)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.

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  (813): It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you. http://tfl.nu/aegn
  Replies (10) Good night (3234) Bad night (888)
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.

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  (+45): Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired. http://tfl.nu/rbaa
  Replies (9) Good night (5166) Bad night (1151)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...

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  (303): You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike... http://tfl.nu/i5zc
  Replies (7) Good night (1024) Bad night (2165)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He's a Shit stain on my heart

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  (719): He's a Shit stain on my heart http://tfl.nu/9sgb
  Replies (11) Good night (731) Bad night (1381)
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  (958): View more from

  her vagina just converted me to Judaism.

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  (958): her vagina just converted me to Judaism. http://tfl.nu/z5ti
  Replies (5) Good night (1279) Bad night (483)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Something about Sunday night screams phone sex

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  (443): Something about Sunday night screams phone sex http://tfl.nu/g1ms
  Replies (1) Good night (511) Bad night (304)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.

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  (404): I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week. http://tfl.nu/2i12
  Replies (6) Good night (582) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole

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  (913): Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole http://tfl.nu/jf5e
  Replies (2) Good night (373) Bad night (579)

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