Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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