As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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