i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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