I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the day after is always just damage control
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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