yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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