Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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