In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
