Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
