I love black thongs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
