Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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