The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
