Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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