wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
