if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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