i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
