Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
