If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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