I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
