Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
