Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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