If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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