I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
