OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
