I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
