she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
