he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize