Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
