i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize