Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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