Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
