I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
