its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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