She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
