Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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