You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I will be naked everywhere
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
