she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
