I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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