I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
