I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
