Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think my fart just growled at me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
