been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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