some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
