Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
