the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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