i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
