called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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