smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
