you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
